Lance Armstrong you are not
Geekman commented yesterday about getting a bike as a way to combat the gas prices… I had this rant in progress and figured I post it today. ^_^
Ive made an observation of a unique class of stupid person the past few years. Its these people on bicycles.
Im not talking about professional cyclists, little kids, cycling for exercise, trail and scenic biking, bike messengers or people who mountain bike. (you know.. regular biking activities)
No.. Im talking about those who are forced to use a bike as an actual mode of transportation.
In Georgia, whenever I saw some grown man on his kids’ bike (I hate to say redneck), I used to think that he was a victim of DUI and had no license. This was made even funnier, yet more credible when one day I saw one of these guys riding his bike with a 12-pack of Bud Light tucked under his arm.
Recently I saw about 6 latino men on bikes showing up at the supermarket and buy groceries.
Face it… Grown men on tiny bikes look real dumb. At least they don’t have the baseball card on the tire to make a “cycle” sound.
On the other end of the spectrum, Memorial day M almost ran this stupid kid over because he was on a bike too big for him. Something like..
“Whee! I’m finally on a big bike! YAY!
“Oh no a car! I better slow down and let them by.
“Wait!! This bike is too big! My feet dont hit the ground! I’ve no way of supporting myself!”
*Kid loses balance and both kid and bike fall in front of moving car*
One thing I noticed about people on larger bikes (again.. not for exercise or other hobby purposes)… It becomes real apparent that you haven’t been on a bike since grade school.
Maybe High School if you were doing cross-neighborhood nookie runs… and you lived in the city… ‘cuz outside the city if you dont have a car your nookie probability goes down.
I see these people pedaling, huffing and puffing… and not getting above 10 mph.
Don’t you ever switch gears? I witness your legs pumping way too fast for you to be going so effing slow. I remember switching gears on my 10-speed back in the day, the resistance.. the power.. building up speed. Maybe Im missing something but think when joggers can keep pace with you, something is wrong.
I guess its not all that bad.. none of you are wearing those pansy-looking helmets, either. So getting hit with a car increases your chance of injury and getting you out of the gene pool as quickly as possible, right?
The last and true abomination are those of you with these freak novelty cycles. The hand-pedal bike. The recliner (with a big yellow safety flag). The side-by-side 2 seater (also with a flag). If you have some kind of special need or are need of ergonomic help, thats one thing. I, however, bet that you are an attention craving yokel.
…and a good weekend to all!